Surrendered Rest.
Awhile back, I got in the car early and took off with a friend. We drove through Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois, our final destination being Indiana, with no agenda except to surprise the person we were going to visit. The sole purpose of this trip was rest; good food, good conversation, and going wherever the minivan took us.
Before this trip, almost every day had felt hard in some way. I knew I needed to do better at being intentional about incorporating rest into my day to day. Long walks, an intentional bed time, and choosing to have better boundaries around my evenings are some of the things designed to give my body rest that had started to become habits in my schedule. Physical rest is often what we think about when we think of rest. Getting good sleep, stopping the activity of work, spending time with those we love or reading a book are some examples of the way we release tension and find rest. Yet, there is another type of rest I believe we give less press to and it may affect us on an even deeper and more impactful level than physical rest. It is cultivating rest for our minds and souls.
When I left home, my to do list didn’t disappear. There were big things I left unattended. I was still a mom to four girls, when you are a parent that box is never really checked. I still run a nonprofit and especially in the stage Stories Foundation is in now with a small team and big dreams there is always something to be done. In order to allow for my mind to rest, I had to choose to let these things go for a few days and trust. Trust Chris could take care of our life and the children, trust my staff with next steps for Stories Foundation, and most of all trust whatever didn’t get accomplished in the next few days could wait.
In order for true rest to be ours, we have to breathe out our responsibilities and breathe in the reality we can’t do it all and it isn’t all up to us. We have to trust the people around us, but even more than that, I believe we all choose to trust in things beyond ourselves. Some of us trust in systems; we believe if we do everything right, follow all the rules, check the right boxes, we will receive the favorable result. These systems could be the education system, a religious system, a government system, health system, even a relationship system (like marriage) or financial system. Rest for those of us who trust in systems is often tied to performance. If we are trusting in systems, we may come across as legalistic and hierarchal; with a short sighted mindset where there is only one way to achieve success or rest.
Other people believe in something greater, a being or force beyond themselves. If this is us, maybe we submit to the universe and karma. The idea if we do our best to take care of the earth and the people around us, then it will all work out for us in the end. The universe will smile on us as long as the good we give back outweighs the bad. If this is us, we are going to show up very differently than those who trust in a system. Our lives may look less rigid and more fluid. Maybe even more passionate and grace-filled to those who we see as “needy” but just as harsh to those we perceive aren’t trusting in Karma to bring rest.
The problem with trusting in a system or the universe for rest is on both of these paths we are really putting trust back in ourselves. Both of these places we can go are based on how good we are as individuals either to fulfill the expectations of a system or the unwritten rules of the Universe. We have to, in the end, trust ourselves. Trust what we bring to the table.
For me, trusting myself is the least restful thing I can do. Trusting myself and my abilities puts the pressure back on me and spins the merry go round in my mind faster and faster to the eerie carnival tune of “not enough” pushing me to do, accomplish and be more. Whether it is the insatiable hunger of a system asking me to give and give and give or the unknown requirements of the universe leaving me with a false and unsteady hope either one does not offer me the rest I crave, because in the end they all rely on me and my performance.
That day as we drove putting distance between me and my responsibilities, I felt my mind holding onto all the things I hadn’t accomplished and needed to do. Suddenly, I felt it was the exact wrong time to leave with all the things going on with Stories and at home. What was I thinking? What would people think? Uneasiness rose inside me and I felt myself questioning my choice to value a break, to value rest. In those moments when rest is at my finger tips and I am still reverting to myself as the supply, the only thing that works is to surrender. For me, surrendering to broken systems and unknown forces doesn’t work. I choose to surrender to a known God.
I don’t know where you are coming to this space from, but I feel pretty confident you probably come here needing rest. The world, especially now, is an exhausting place. The systems we have trusted in are breaking down before our eyes and the forces outside ourselves proving untrustworthy as life circumstances continually show up as unfair.
It doesn’t matter if you have put your trust in a government, a church or religion, karma, or even a cultural system of success or relationships, we all have a deep longing for real rest. I can only speak for myself as I tell you this rest for me has been uncovered in surrender. Surrender to God who was, is and always will be. Who had a plan for me before the creation of the world, and who, as my letting go allows him to, is working His plan out in my life. Thankfully, rest doesn’t depend on my ability, what I do or do not do, what relationships I do or do not have. My rest is solely dependent on God, he tells me I can unburden myself at his feet; leaving everything there.
Physical rest is valuable, but only if it gives space for this deeper rest in our minds. If we are not unburdening ourselves and allowing the responsibilities of life to be on someone else, all the self care will leave us empty. True fulfilling rest comes in surrender to God who knows the beginning from the end . Even in the midst of our un-peaceful reality we can know true rest when we surrender.
Rest doesn’t change our circumstances, my to do list still stood as I drove home from that trip, rest changes us. In surrendered rest we exhale and remember to leave our burdens right where they belong . With a known God .
Thankfully living a full life with times of rest has very little to do with me, except when it comes to my surrender.